Who the f**k are you?

My name’s Nicola. I used to live inside the M25. My daily commute took 2 hours each way (if Southern rail was running properly, and we all know how often that happens), and I could often be found gazing into the windows of estate agents close to my Kensington office and quietly weeping.

But, one day, I got a new job. The new job was in Falmouth, Cornwall. I moved over 300 miles away to live my beach dreams, and I’m writing about it.

I’ve also written funny things for the BBC, and won a ‘Best Comedy’ award at the Edinburgh Fringe 2016. So you’re in good hands.

Will you advertise my product/event/new religion?

It depends. If it’s relevant to life in Cornwall and I can work it into some kind of funny story, then maybe. But believe me when I say it would benefit nobody to have me advertising, like, Kylie Jenner lip kits or other such things, pick your battles.