Have you ever seen a Christmas tree go up in flames? If not, I highly recommend it. In many ways it’s similar to the time at university when I accidentally leaned into a candle, in that there’s a bright flash of fire and a really loud fizzing sound. Of course, with the Christmas tree the… Read More Twelfth Night, or Let’s All Burn Christmas To The Ground
She blew down the trees,
And she carved up the beaches,
But I didn’t feel it
Because of my breeches.
Cocooning my legs
Like a black plastic shroud,
You protected my jeans
From the contents of clouds.… Read More An ode to my waterproof trousers
The Cornwall to London sleeper train is a great way to get about the country if you have to arrive up country (yes, I just said ‘up country’. I say that now.) early in the morning for reasons of business, travel, or a desire to maximise all free food opportunities available to you during a… Read More The Cornwall to London Sleeper train: A timeline (dignity not included)
when I left the shop and walked away, I bumped (almost literally) into something like fifty santas in Falmouth high street. Their costumes ranged from the detailed to the actually-I’ll-just-wear-my-red-dressing-gown-because-that’ll-do, but they pretty much all carried drums. They’d stopped to sing a few verses of a Christmas carol, but they soon started drumming and marching up the high street.
I followed them because, well, they were Santas and I have Christmas in my heart and soul forever. … Read More The Saturday Falmouth went batshit
Famously, I lost my shit a few months ago over a single shooting star, so I feel like we all know how the walk home went. My initial disappointment at seeing clouds in the sky broke up as fast as they did. Stars started to move. I made some very loud ‘ooh’ noises, completely ignoring the fact that people in pretty, probably-not-double-glazed houses were trying to sleep. Then I staggered home like a drunk person because I was looking up at the sky the entire way. Which was fine, because I only nearly died twice.… Read More Fake space and real space are great
any time my feet don’t feel completely stable on the ground I freeze up and lose the ability to walk like a human being, which makes falling over almost inevitable (see also: paddlebarding, roller derby). Whichever way you slice it, I my dignity ends up getting bruised. Much like my bum.
So I am, frankly, dismayed to find that we’re going to be spending this weekend under a weather warning for snow and ice and all of the horrible things that come with that. If I wanted to have to deal with that I would have stayed up-country. But I say things like ‘up-country’ now, so we all know they’re never going to have me back.… Read More Dear Cornwall: Oh hell snow
By Sunday we were a full three days into December and I still hadn’t sung a single Christmas caroll, which didn’t seem right. I’m not a religious person by any means, but hot damn I love the merriment. The Christmas tree festival at Princess Pavilion was starting with a big switch-on, a carol concert, and –… Read More Weird moments from the Christmas carol concert