The kids in Cornwall are super-sporty and it’s terrifying

I once accidentally ended up in the middle of a huge surf lifesaving competition on the North Coast – children everywhere were just voluntarily wearing numbers and doing running as a fun Saturday afternoon activity. It was very alien to me. I mean, I will occasionally wear a number and do a bit of running if necessary but that is one hundred per cent for bragging rights and a reason to eat giant burgers under the guise of ‘refuelling’. It has nothing to do with enjoyment. And if you had suggested it to me when I was under the age of twenty four I would probably have wept.… Read More The kids in Cornwall are super-sporty and it’s terrifying


The Cornwall to London Sleeper train: A timeline (dignity not included)

The Cornwall to London sleeper train is a great way to get about the country if you have to arrive up country (yes, I just said ‘up country’. I say that now.) early in the morning for reasons of business, travel, or a desire to maximise all free food opportunities available to you during a… Read More The Cornwall to London Sleeper train: A timeline (dignity not included)

The Saturday Falmouth went batshit

when I left the shop and walked away, I bumped (almost literally) into something like fifty santas in Falmouth high street. Their costumes ranged from the detailed to the actually-I’ll-just-wear-my-red-dressing-gown-because-that’ll-do, but they pretty much all carried drums. They’d stopped to sing a few verses of a Christmas carol, but they soon started drumming and marching up the high street. 

I followed them because, well, they were Santas and I have Christmas in my heart and soul forever. … Read More The Saturday Falmouth went batshit

Fake space and real space are great

Famously, I lost my shit a few months ago over a single shooting star, so I feel like we all know how the walk home went. My initial disappointment at seeing clouds in the sky broke up as fast as they did. Stars started to move. I made some very loud ‘ooh’ noises, completely ignoring the fact that people in pretty, probably-not-double-glazed houses were trying to sleep. Then I staggered home like a drunk person because I was looking up at the sky the entire way. Which was fine, because I only nearly died twice.… Read More Fake space and real space are great

Dear Cornwall: Oh hell snow

any time my feet don’t feel completely stable on the ground I freeze up and lose the ability to walk like a human being, which makes falling over almost inevitable (see also: paddlebarding, roller derby). Whichever way you slice it, I my dignity ends up getting bruised. Much like my bum.

So I am, frankly, dismayed to find that we’re going to be spending this weekend under a weather warning for snow and ice and all of the horrible things that come with that. If I wanted to have to deal with that I would have stayed up-country. But I say things like ‘up-country’ now, so we all know they’re never going to have me back.… Read More Dear Cornwall: Oh hell snow